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Season 3 rewrite; a lot better than the first, trust me!

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PostPosted: Fri May 25, 2007 12:38 am    Post subject: Season 3 rewrite; a lot better than the first, trust me! Reply with quote

Well, this was on the and it's got some pretty great reveiws. Because not very many members go there, I'll put it here (prepare for some AMAZING changes!)

Episode 1: Good News and Bad News
A year after the death of Scarface and Bold, and the union of Ranger and Charmer, The Great White Stag came to the stream for a drink. “Spring at last.” He said. “One of our most beautiful springs yet in my life.” He continued. He dipped his muzzle into the stream just as a green fluid swam down like ribbons.

He stopped when he felt a terrible pain all over his body. It was like sharp needles and bullets slamming into him. Whistler crashed down into the bushes while flying. He saw the Great White Stag trembling. “I say…um, sorry to disturb you, Great White Sta…are you alright?” He stopped when he saw the stag trembling. “Poi…poison…” The Great White Stag rasped then he dropped on the ground, dead. “Oh…no!” Whistler’s eyes widened in shock. “No! I must tell Fox!” He took off into the sky in panic.

While he flew, a badger, Shadow watched, wondering why the heron was in such a panic. Whistler, in his panic, lost control of his flight and crashed. “Is anything broken?” Shadow asked. “The Great White Stag is dead! Oh…this is horrible!” Whistler exclaimed in sorrow. A male badger came with an adder. “Don’t worry! I’m your friend!” The badger said. The snake rolled his eyes. “You’re everyone’sss friend.” He hissed. The badger had a pink nose and had black and white “hair”. The adder had teal scales and a cream colored belly. He had interesting face markings; like thick eyebrows and a moustache.

The badger ignored the snake. “I saw the whole thing. Right out of the sky you fell. Are you alive?” The badger walked up to Whistler and Shadow. The snake, irritated with the badger, turned and left. “What can I do to…” He saw Shadow, and instantly fell in love with her. “Must tell Fox!” Whistler cried. “Fox? The famous Farthing Wood Fox?” Shadow asked. “Yes, that’s us.” Whistler said. “I’m Shadow, Bold’s friend. How is he?” Shadow asked. “Oh…poor Bold died last spring.” Whistler said. “Perhaps we can talk again. I must tell Fox what has happened to the Great White Stag.” He took off, and the two young badgers watched. “Good bye, feathered friend!” the male badger called. “Oh, how silly of me! I haven’t introduced myself, um, Shadow.” He smiled. “I’m Hurkel.” Shadow smiled. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Hurkel.” She said.

A rat came out under the fence, then stopped in surprise. A white stag was lying dead on the ground. “Look what I’ve found!” Spike shouted. His companions came out with eight pregnant female rats. “Oh, look at that!” They all exclaimed. Suddenly, a huge shadow loomed over them. It was intimidating. They turned and saw a large male rat towering over him. His ruffled fur was solid black. He held a long, battle-scarred tail in his paw. He had permanent scars on his face and chest. The most horrific part of this rat was that he lacked a left eye. All that was left was a terrible scar.

“Oo am I?” He rasped. His voice was also terrible-more frightening than the hiss of a snake; like the rustle of leaves blown by the wind. “Bully! Bully! Bully!” The rats squeaked in terror. The female rats, frightened, scurried to Bully’s side. “What are you doing with my mates, Spike, Brat, and Gage?”

“Just escorting them, your greatness, just escorting…” Brat, the small orange rat, yelped in terror as Bully scratched his arm. “My favorite mates are not allowed out of my sight! None of you can go near them while I’m around!” Bully snapped. Brat rubbed his arm, whimpering. “We weren’t going to do anything, Bully, we were just getting’ them through. Anyway, look at that!” Spike said. He pointed at the dead stag. “Oh-ho! What a great piece of luck! Oo am I?” Bully looked sharply at his third favorite mate.

She dropped to her knees and began kissing her mate’s feet. “Bully! Bully! Bully!” She stuttered. Yes, she loved Bully, but she feared him, and she was intimidated by him…especially by the scarred eye socket. “The King of the park is dead!” He laughed. He picked up the pregnant female and held her arms tightly, but gently, holding her close to him. “What did we come here for, dear?”

The female shuddered as the foul smell of his breath reached her nose. “To…to take over the park, love.” She strangled the last word. “Right, and the park was once the White Stag’s patch, and with him stone dead, it will be all ours!” He looked at his mates, who were all pregnant. “Now, if we can just get more rats out of the sewers we can take over the park. With my little baby ratties coming, we already have a chance.”

“Oo am I?” He hissed. “Bully! Bully! Bully!”

Fox was already very old. He watched as his grandson, Plucky, raced with the Farthing Wood Hare’s granddaughter, Dash. He smiled. Scarface was dead thanks to Adder, and he had a son-in-law, Ranger. All though he was a Blue Fox, he glad that his daughter Charmer was happy to be his mate.

Dash was in the lead of the race. “Come on, Plucky! You can do it!” He shouted. The rabbits and hares cheered Dash on. “Come on, Dash! Go! Go! Go!” The little ones shouted. Plucky’s ears perked up as he went past Dash. “I can’t believe it! I’m winning! I’m winning!” He smiled. This spring was full of new life and hope. There was great excitement for Measly, but not much for Weasel.

“Oh, you are GORGOUS!” Measly squealed happily. “Oh, you TWERP!” Weasel hissed. “I…I can’t believe you, Measly! I…I…oh, look what you’ve done to me!” She screamed, walking right into Plucky’s path. “Weasel, look out!” Plucky shouted. Weasel nearly screamed, and then Plucky ran right into her. “WEASEL!!!” Measly shrieked. Dash stopped in front of Fox. “Oh, look, I won! I’ve won again!” She giggled. Plucky right on top of Weasel, who was gasping for breath. “I was winning! Stupid weasel, I was winning!” He moaned. He got off Weasel as Measly raced to her side. “Weasel, are you alright?” He asked in concern. He nudged her, but she did not move. “Oh, Weasel, what a pest you are!” Fox sighed. Adder nodded in agreement. “Indeed.” She said. Badger looked sharply at her. “Adder!” He snapped. Weasel hopped up. “You are all the same, you foxes!” Mossy opened his mouth to speak. “AND YOU!” Weasel spat. “I’m blamed for everything!” She said.

“I’m blamed for dropping someone in the pond, I’m blamed for giving the wrong message, I’m blamed for ruining a silly race, I’m always the blame, aren’t I Measly?” She snapped sharply. Measly nodded. “I should get some sympathy, some consideration, especially since I’m with weasel!” Measly’s jaw dropped in amazement.
Adder rasped. “More weaselsss!?” She gasped. She rolled her eyes. “Precisely the reason why I will never mate!” Badger looked sharply at her again. Vixen chuckled. “Congratulations Weasel.”

The mole family was excited. “Oh, babies, how wonderful!” Mole giggled. Measly jumped over to her. “Isn’t she gorgeous?” He asked and kissed her on the cheek. “Knock it off!” Weasel groaned. Whistler was flying up above. “Look out!” Adder shouted, right as Whistler was right about to crash. The weasels dove away just as he crashed, right over Mossy’s hole. “What on earth is the matter, Whistler?” Fox asked in concern. “Oh…oh, my goodness! Friends, I’ve got terrible news!” He stuttered. “What can be more terrible than finding out that Weasel is expecting?” Adder spat. “The Great White Stag is dead!” Whistler said; a tear fell from his eye. The moles began sobbing. “I think he was poisoned; He was drinking from the stream and then…” He bowed his head and wept quietly. There was a hushed silence.

“Oh, dear,” Badger said. “I’d hate to think who will take over the park now that he is dead.”
“Trey!” Toad shouted. “He’s always in a bad temper! He won’t protect us like the White Stag did!” He continued. “Trey…I know him.” Fox muttered to himself. “He’s the biggest stag in the herd now…and the most likely candidate.” He continued.

Owl wanted to get off the subject. “I have some news myself.” Adder cringed. “Here we go.” Owl drew herself up. “Adder and I have been talking. As you all know all of us know, we are the only two who have never had a mate.” Adder shuddered. “The idea! I do not want to wind up like Weasel!” Everyone ignored her. “As you can tell, Adder has no interest in mating, but I have decided to find a mate.” Everyone smiled. “Congratulations, Owl, I wish you good luck.” Vixen said. Owl smiled. “Thank you, Vixen, now, I must be off.”

Weasel was still panicking about Trey. “I need protection! I can’t have that beast stalking about in my condition! He hates weasels!” She looked sharply at Measly. “you’re a big, strong, brave weasel, you protect me! You’re gorgeous!” Measly smiled. “You do love me!” He laughed. Adder and Mossy left Weasel to shout and Measly.

Mossy came above ground and saw three rats standing before him. “Oh, hello.” He said. “Hello,” Each rat said. Suddenly, a big rat came-the biggest rat Mossy had ever seen-and the most frightening. His face was scarred, and he was missing one eye. He gulped in fear. “Oo am I?” The rat’s voice was terrifying. It sounded like dry leaves blown by the wind on concrete. “Oh…I…don’t know…” Mossy stuttered. “I don’t think we’ve met.”

“Oh, then, I’m Bully, and I’ll be the leader of this park soon!” He looked around. “Who wants to kill him?”

Measly was walking by, still happy that Weasel loved him. He heard someone shout, “Fine, I’ll kill him!” then Mossy screamed. Measly saw an intimidating black rat trying to kill Mossy. “Oh…Weasel said I was big, strong, and ooh GORGOUS! But…she also said I was brave.” He looked on. “I’m a weasel, aren’t I? I kill rats and I’m not letting them kill my mole friend!”

Bully was right about to bite Mossy’s neck when he heard Gage scream, “WEASEL!” He looked up and saw Measly charging right at him. His eye widened as he remembered the pain of his other eye ripping out of its socket. He screamed and dropped Mossy. “W…WEASEL! RUN!” Spike and Brat followed Bully as he fled. Gage tried to run, but Measly caught him, seized him by the neck in his jaws and bit hard. Blood spurted from Gage’s neck, and the rat fell dead. Ranger and Charmer ran to check on what was happening. “What happened?” Charmer asked.

“R…rats…they tried to kill me. There was this one…he was HUGE! He was black, scarred and…he was missing an eye. He was like a nightmare come to life!” Mossy stuttered. “I thought I was going to die, but Measly saved me.” Measly dropped the dead Gage, his mouth covered in blood. “We heard you crying for help. If it wasn’t for Measly, it would have been too late.” Said Ranger. “Thank you, Measly, you’re my hero!” Mossy hugged Measly on the leg.

Meanwhile, Bully, Spike, and Brat were in their new hideout. It was a huge rock shaped like a rat’s head. Now that Bully was surrounded by his mates, he felt somewhat safer. “That weasel…came out of nowhere! A weasel was the last thing I expected! The very creature that ripped out my eye!” He spat. One of the females stroked his shoulders. This was his first favorite mate. She was not afraid of him, for they were much the same. He was half blind, and she was half deaf, for she had an ear torn off. She also lavished her love on him, and showed no signs of fear. “Oh, Bully, me love, it’s alright.” She crooned. “Thank you, Celia.” Bully rasped, rubbing her paws.

“So, I hear you’re looking for a mate.” A voice said. “Everyone quiet!” Bully snapped. Outside the HQ, Owl and Speedy were talking. “Yes. I’ll start inside the park, and if all fails, I’ll go outside.” Owl said. “Well, I wish you luck.” Speedy smiled. “Good bye, for now, Speedy.” Owl flew off into the sky, hooting as she went.

The male snake, satisfied to be away from Hurkel, searched for a new home. He had just arrived in the park with Hurkel, and was desperate to get away from the annoying creature. He stopped, awestruck with what he was seeing. A female adder was going off to bask, and the male adder decided she was the most beautiful creature he had ever seen. What he didn’t know that this was the Farthing Wood Adder. The snake hid in the bushes and watched her, coming up with ways to meet her.

Measly called for Weasel as rabbits ate the grass. He HAD to tell her that he killed a rat! There was an irritated bellow, making the rats run right by Measly. The next thing Measly new, there was a stag right in front of him. “Oh…your not Weasel…” There was no doubt who this furious stag was. “I am Trey,” The stag hissed. He had huge antlers, though they were not as big and impressive as the late White Stag’s antlers. He had a large muscular build, and had a scar over his eye. “And never before have I heard such noise!” Measly chuckled nervously and tried to leave. “Sorry, I’m just looking for my mate.”

Soon the voice of Weasel was calling Measly. She bumped into him. “Oh, there you are! Charmer says you have something to tell me.” Weasel said. Trey snorted. “I don’t like weasels, you know, and as the king of the park, I command you to stop, or I’ll stamp on you!”
Measly wrapped his arms around Weasel. “Um…well…my wife’s in a very delicate condition, you know,” He chuckled. “MORE WEASELS!?!?” Trey growled and prepared to trample the weasels. Weasel grabbed Measly and ran. Trey gave chase, forcing the weasels to tire themselves by running faster.

Adder was sleeping nearby, and was startled when she heard the screams of Weasel and Measly. She woke up and watched Trey chase the weasels sourly. Her tongue flickered in and out, and then she caught the scent of a male adder near by. Then, he appeared when they left. “Did they wake you?” The male snake asked. Adder turned away. “If you mussst know, yesss.” She said. “Troublesssome thingsss, weaselsss.” The male hissed. “Yessss,” Adder said and curled down. The male cleared his throat. “I’m…sinuous.” He said. Adder smiled and waved her tail lazily in the air. “Ssso am I.” She said.

The male chuckled. “Oh, no, no, no, no, no, It’ssss my name-Sinuousss.” He said. Adder smiled. “Very apt, I’m sure.” She hissed. No one needed to ask her what was going on-she fell in love with Sinuous, and it was clear that he did the same. Adder uncoiled and looked at him. She could see that he loved her; perhaps he would love her more if he knew who she was. “I am the Farthing Wood Adder.” She said. Sinuous looked surprised and blinked. He fell in love with a famous adder! He was lost for words. He finally found something to say. “You’re more beautiful than I imagined, Adder.”

Adder blushed. He had such charm. To think I said I’d never mate; one can never say never. I’d better stick around him. “I…thank you, Sinuous.” She said. Sinuous put his head on one side. “I never thought I’d meet a Farthing Wood animal. It seems I’ve been missstaken.” No one liked Adder like this Sinuous did. Adder was greatly amused by the interest. She looked around, then said to Sinuous, “If you want to talk with me, we ought to go someplace elssse. Toad might find usss.”

Suddenly, Toad burst in. “Ho ho, mateys, spring’s in the air, I see.” He said. “Yesss, and isssn’t it the Toad eating season, Sinuous?” Adder hissed, waving what was last of her tail in the air. Toad cringed. “That’s not very friendly, matey, what about he oath?” He hopped away, leaving the snakes to chuckle. Adder looked at Sinuous, and for the first time, had a loving gleam in her eyes. “Sinuous,” She hissed tenderly.

Meanwhile, the weasels were complaining loudly about Trey. “You can’t let a monster like Trey take over the park! Fox, please, you must deal with him! What are you going to do?” Weasel screamed. “Weasel, Measly, be QUIET!!!” Fox growled. “No wonder Trey’s irritated with you! You’re so noisy!” Vixen quieted him. “If you want safety from Trey, then stay with us. We’ll keep you and you’re little ones safe.” She said. “Oh…but…alright. I was wanting to leave the park, but…I guess I’m safe with you foxes.” Weasel sighed. “Now, we should get some rest. It’s been a big day for all of us.” Fox said. The foxes and weasels went into the Earth.

Adder was falling more deeply in love with Sinuous the longer she was with him. Clearly, he was doing the same. She had invited Sinuous to stay with her in her burrow and she was telling him her point of view of the journey, and life in the park. “Scarface came out of no where! The next thing I knew, I wasss trying to escape him. He could have killed me, but I got into a hole just in time. The horrible fox grabbed my tail, and I had to hold on to tree roots. Eventually, after a struggle, Scarface tore my tail off, and I went flying to the floor.” She said. Sinuous looked shocked. “What cheek!” He hissed. “Indeed,” She said. She was enjoying both Sinuous and herself with her stories. “I was wondering what happened to your tail,” Sinuous said, looking at the tattered remains of Adder’s tail. It was already beginning to heal.

Adder continued her story into the night. Sinuous was wide awake, and fascinated with the story. He looked outside and saw the crescent moon high in the sky. “It’sss late,” He said. He looked back at Adder and said, “May I tell you my story tomorrow?” Adder smiled. “Of course, I would.” She said. She curled up right beside Sinuous. “It’s been a big day for us. The Great White Stag has died, been replaced by that monster Trey, Weasel is pregnant, and Owl wants a mate. I’d like to turn in for the night.” Sinuous nodded and curled up next to her. Hopefully, Adder would be his mate. All he had to do was tell her about his life, and make her comfortable with him. He had already done that. By the time another male came to take Adder as a mate, he would fight him off. Right after that, they would be mates. It was all a matter of planning and instinct.

Bully was strutting about in his chambers. All of his mates had given birth. Each of them had fourteen healthy babies. Bully had his nose pointed proudly in the air. “Well done, me loves, well done,” He said. Then, he stopped. “There’s one hundred and fifteen of us here! It will be impossible for weasels to kill us!” He said. “Over the centuries, rats have taken over towns, villages, sewers, and cities.” Bully’s single red eye gleamed malevolently. “But not today. Together, we’ll gather a legion of rats! A huge army! We’ve already got one thanks to my favorite ladies.” He looked admiringly at his mates and young. “Nothing-not weasels-not foxes-not snakes-not even humans can stop us! We’re going to take over the park! OO AM I!?!?”

Brat, Spike, the eight females all looked up and cried, “Bully! Bully! Bully!” There would be a huge battle for the park over the next few months. There would be happiness, and tragedy.
There is the first episode. I'll post the rest soon. Don't worry; "Oo am I" is dropped in the 3rd episode. Some episodes are COMPLETELY changed (especally the third). There's also going to be an...unexpected change in Hurkel and guess who will die in my verison?

Offical Adder/Sinuous fan!

Thanks, Ladyfox!
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